as anti-corporation as i am, i really do like starbucks. i *splurged* tonight on a venti green tea blackberry frap-a-whatever and it was awesome. it reminded me of green tea ice cream, but better. speaking of green tea, kim and i went to oasis world market yesterday and i bought bok choy and wasabi and it momentarily cured me of my "i want to be anywhere but in america." jen is in central asia, the interns are in serbia and macedonia, i watched the constant gardener for the second time this week and a whole lot of people die from an earthquake in indonesia. all i want to do is go and help and take photos and raise awareness of how big the world is and how big God is. and i'm stuck here. well, i'm overreacting--i shouldn't say stuck because God really is pouring out blessing with new friends and new opportunities and way too many part time jobs and now dancing with days of grace. but still, my heart is so stirred. jeff kept asking me what i wanted to do with my life. he's so good at that. i said take photos of kids in africa and make a book or somehow riase awareness of what is going on there. if only someone would pay me to do that!! so today i went to b&n to "study" for my job interview, which is in...well...8 and a half hours...i had to read up on my mental illnesses in the DSM-IV, because since it's been a while since i've been out of tekoa and all the pyscho-blablabla, i need to sound competent in the interview. well i wanted to reward myself for studying because they might as well have written the DSM in old english it's so hard to understand. anyways, i found some photo books and some business books and a book showcasing all theses cool cards these supercool designers made. it was supermotivating for me as a *small* business owner, but overwhelming as well because i pretty much am on my own and have no clue what i'm doing. but anyways, i spent way too much time at b&n. mark, my friend who randomly runs marathons, is going to start running with me, which is good because mark runs 7 minute miles and will push me. 8 miles left to train and only 3 months left. today's mileage: 4.25 miles. seriously, it's time for bed.

so i go through these phases, where i have SO MUCH to process and other times where i feel completely numb. i watched the constant gardener last night after erin's recommendation. WOW. it was a drama and suspense about healthcare/AIDS/social justice in Kenya. the Lord has been stirring something in my heart about social justice/Africa/the poor/awareness for about 3 months now. it's growing like a weed. i cried so much during the movie. not just tears, but full-on gutteral weeping. i know the film is based on a novel, which means mostly fictional. but the location and the extreme poverty and disease is not fiction. it is the obvious work of the "kingdom of darkness." it was the visual backdrop for jennifer miller's talks on Kenya. oh my. i know i need to respond and i am asking the Lord what He would have me to do, even in these beginning stages. what do i need to be faithful in here. what small things? and it's so utterly confusing meshing my love and gift of photography and children with the fact that people die every day because they don't have water, medicine, food, vaccines. it's completely overwhelming, but it requires a response. i was reading in matthew and jesus was ALWAYS taking care of the poor--He was very aware of their needs. i won't even bother to draw a parallel to my own life. so, i'm running out of time because this wifi cafe is closing. more thoughts on this later. 2 samuel 24:24 "i will not making offering to the Lord my God that cost me nothing."

another photograph from my four trip back from lewisburg, WVA. tomorrow i will go again. it's confirmed i will be going, so no anger issues there! hurray for spinach parmesan bagels and mill mountain coffee! so tonight i had the priviledge of having coffee with my friend erin who was in town visiting. this girl challenges my socks off. she asked me the typical question, "so, what are you reading now?" we always have awesome book talk. she shared with me some GREAT stuff she's been learning about social justice from some books she's been reading: irrestible revolution, freedom of simplicity and rich christians. i feel like God has begun to lead me into a process of what it means to live out all the things Jesus lived out in the new testament--mainly really loving people and taking care of the poor. my friend kim and i co-adopted a little girl from india last week. i can't wait to write her! Jesus ALWAYS was looking out for the poor--the physically poor, the spiritually poor, the emotionally poor. you name it. He was always looking to meet people's needs. i don't mind poor people and i think i have a sense of compassion for them, but honestly, how much compassion do i have since i pretty much do nothing about it except feel bad for them.
ouch. so i know that God leads people to care for the poor in their own individualized creative ways, but i want to know how He wants me to serve the poor, and who exactly would that be? i know that God has given me a gift to "see"--to discern in a spiritual sense, but also to see in a creative photographic sense. how that fits in to His plan to take care of the poor, i have no idea. needless to say, i left our time feeling very challenged and humbled. i realize that all this is a bit personal for a blog that, well.. who knows who is reading this! is on the internet, but a part of me writes this hoping that i really mean what i say and that this evening wasn't just an emotional response to a sensitive subject. i hope that as this is posted, it will be a reminder to myself to put into action what has moved me. one last thing: at work, jeff greenough and i were looking at jibjab.com at this movie that made fun of walmart. i dont want to knock walmart, but it kind of goes along with what i have been feeling today in regard to the poor people exploited. you can form your own opinion.

i had an AWESOME time in rocky mount shooting my first *wedding* with jeff. it was nerve wrecking, totally exciting and exhausting. i learned a tremendous amount about my camera, flash and my stamina. i've been inspired by sarah anne barlow...who is related somehow to the pop band barlow girl, i think. well they have a new song out and here is the photo shoot from it. the location is amazing and so is the song.
http://www.sarahannephotography.com/videos/bgvideoshoot/

i read on sarah's blog about this workshop i want to attend about using one light. zack arias, supercool musician photographer runs the workshop. his shots are...WOW. check them out: www.usedfilm.com

i'm so inspired. i've got to take it to the next level.

well i put a lot of photos up, but i think coming soon will be a real photoblog. maybe. for your viewing enjoyment, here is a shot of this old building on my way home from lewisburg, WVA. wild and wonderful.

virginia is so beautiful. i just want to say that i think that processed chicken (like the chicken in my canned mexican tortilla soup) tastes like tofu. yuck!

welcome. so here is the list of refreshments for saturday's sha-bang. free coffee, courtesy of coffee depot, avocado bruschetta (if i can find a recipe), spinach balls, apples and fruit dip, cream puffs, punch. doesn't that make you want to come! so i am taking a break from photo-editing. i need some professional advice on how to not sit at the computer because my shoulders ALWAYS hurt. i had a great day today (minus the 4 hours i was at work!)...i went for a run after work and listened to tony evans-who is amazing-on my ipod while i ran. his talk was about making the most of your time and opportunities rather than waiting around for your dreams and desires (he was primarily speaking of marriage) to fall into your lap and being miserable because you're stuck waiting. it made me think about going to florida as a kid and inevitably asking..."are we there yet?" way too often. i think i ask God a lot "are we there yet?" i think if i actually though through things i wanted to accomplish and separated those from what i cannot control and acted upon that which i can control, maybe, i wouldn't ask THAT question nearly so often. i want my life to count; i don't want to look back and think, "wow, i've accomplished very little in the last 5 years because i was waiting around for opportunities to just fall into my lap." how sad! so i'm going back to that list of "things i really want to do before i die" and i'm going to add to them and i'm going to evaluate which ones are possibilities for this season of my life. and i'm going to pursue doing them. and as far as i can help it, i'm going to choose to spend my time in meaningful ways. maybe that means saying NO to people's expectations of me. i have to answer for my life, no one else can do that. okay, enough rambling...back to editing.

i have been archiving my data today. yay for a squeaky clean hard drive. i am having trouble typing because i SLICED my finger at work today...long story that i cannot recount without getting VERY ANGRY. i was in lewisburg today and the Bakery did not have spinach parmesan bagels. i was too late in the morning. but i will be back in lewisburg next week and i am going to special order them. they are DIVINE. so i went into annie kays whole foods today. i used to think that annie kays was for weird people but then jane greenough told me that she goes there and jane isn't weird, so i tried it out. first, they have NAKED JUICE. i almost screamed. and they also have granola, which is very exciting for my yougurt/granola/strawberry breakfast adventures while driving. :) so thanks jane for the whole foods encouragement. i liked going to whole foods grocery store (even though it was stuck up and expensive) in new york. so whole foods has come to me in blacksburg. thanks God. well enough about that, the real question of the day is for people who are tech savvy. i think i'm pretty tech savvy, but i am stumped. i cannot use my outlook 2000 email program. i really prefer it over outlook express and i cannot afford to pay for outlook 2003. any ideas on outlook 2000/outlook express conflicts? okay thats all. time for bed and put this temper and sore finger to sleep.

this is how i have been spending my time. i would LOVE to take photos of aspiring musicians, all the time. but even more than that i would love to be overseas documenting culture and people. But for now, this is good. i had a job taking some family's portraits for Mother's Day and i will taking prom portraits for another family later this month. i feel like such a successful businesswoman! my next ideas are maybe a trip with peacework this summer??? then a photo shoot at this old abandoned barn in pembroke and then some potraits to send to pottery barn. who knows...maybe they will use them. so i have plans and motivation--very exciting!