hope isn't supposed to disappoint you
but sometimes it does

i hope for today to be a little easier than yesterday
but i know i'll have to wait for tomorrow
i hope to find someone to see me for who i really am
but those people are hard to come by
i hope to hold someone's hand and love them wihtout getting hurt
but i am just their doormat
i hope that i can find purpose and significance in my life
but everyday is its own battle

hope isn't supposed to disappoint you
but sometimes it does

help me, God, to keep my chin up.

a trip to floyd

what i like about Floyd:
-angels in the attic thrift store
-jewelry shop that has Maori necklaces
-ADORABLE coffee shop--very Bohemian!
-quaint, small and personable town.

definitely going back. :)

I walked down Canal on a cool October day looking for a coffee shop.
The morning had already been crappy.
Cookie, my collie, had kicked over my cup of coffee.
Caleb called from California because he was having cold feet about our wedding day,
which was supposed to be the day after Christmas.
Christina, his counselor, had confiscated his keys and told him to quit drinking so much Corona.
I was tired of crying
and tired of all the catastrophes that Caleb caused.
I felt that my co-workers, and maybe even my computer were better companions than he.
At least they didn't have conniptions everyday.
"i deserved better than this," i thought as i crossed the street.
Someone who had an appreciation for other cultures;
Someone who was compassionate;
Someone who at least enjoyed a good cappuccino.
And someone who was crazy in love with me.

i paid cash for my caramel macchiato and walked out of Chloe's Caffeine Bar, comtemplating the possibilites...
Costa Rica maybe?

miseducation
where did i go wrong?
living my life as a lie, pretending to be someone i wasn't
pretending to be someone i didn't even want to be
feeling like i was dying on the inside because i felt so numb
so numb to my own desires and dreams
now i've forgotten what it feels like to be me
i just want to feel alive
so many people want to be my teachers, to educate me on how to do the right thing and go the right way
they think they know me
how can they if i don't even know me
they are only signposts that point in every direction
i feel so lost without a map to know which way to go
i hope to reteach myself how to be real
my heart will be the teacher
i can't erase the education, this wrong education that injected my heart with novacane
i can't erase the mistakes, only learn from them
this time i want to learn how to listen to my heart
and live by it

i must be true to myself.